Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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