I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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