Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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