We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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