That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
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Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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