so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
