called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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