Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
