Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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