if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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