Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
