There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
