fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I am one with the molecules
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize