dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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