mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
