so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
