His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
This baby is an asshole
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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