I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
