i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Randomize
