Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
