i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
