If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
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Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
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sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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