omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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