Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
