I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
