you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize