There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
