She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
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Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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