You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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