No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
