It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
