he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
