I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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