your parents love me but you hate me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
