My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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