Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
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I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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