I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
