and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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