This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
