So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
even my farts smell like vagina
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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