i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
