The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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