Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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