I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
