from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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