Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
