Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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