yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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