mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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