who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
