I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
