just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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