too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
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She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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