I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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