Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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