im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
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i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
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She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
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