Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
