You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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