hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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