At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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