nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
